Eight to ten years ago, I would never have called myself a "hugger." I'm not sure I do now. When one is as socially awkward as I have been for most of my life, one tends to agonize over such trivial things up to the point of crippling inaction. "Should I hug this person? Do they WANT to be hugged? What if I go in for a hug and they cut me off with handshake!? Eff-it, guess I'll just wave awkwardly and slump away..." If someone else offered me a hug, I was all over that. However instigating was something that only happened rarely, was dreaded, and usually only involved a family member receiving the hug.
Then I went to college. And I made friends! (Not that that had never happened before, I just had a rather irrational fear that it wouldn't when I left my sheltered world for the other sheltered world that is private college. La di dah, I know.) Now, maybe it's just my small, Catholic college experience, but college is the land of hugging. Everyone there is a hugger, either by personality or through peer pressure. You hug your friends that you see in the cafeteria, the ones you run in to at parties, the ones you see in between classes, the ones you eventually live with. Even the ones you've only actually met one time at a party, see only every other week outside of Chem Lab, and have no actual friendship with. You hug people you don't like. And they all hug you. Hugs, in greeting, farewell and just for the fun of it, are frequent. Whether you like it or not. It was in that environment that I learned my true hugging identity.
You didn't know you could have a hugging identity*? Well you can. There are all sorts of hugs. Bear hugs, side hugs, soft hugs, hugs that I can only think to describe as 'grippy,' smothering hugs... it goes on. What kind of hug do you give when encountered with the prospect of having to wrap your arms around someone else's torso? Do you go around the neck? The waist? Diagonal? Are you one of those creeps that sneaks up on people that aren't your spouse and hugs them from behind? Do you start light then squeeze? Do you turn in to a Boa Constrictor? Every person is different!
Me, I am what I like to think of as a 'Firm' hugger. Mostly this means is that when I hug you, expect our bodies to actually touch and for there to be a small amount of force/pressure behind the embrace. If you are a dude, (or a lady who's in to it... I don't judge,) CONGRATS! You just got to touch my boobs. I don't squeeze, or cling. Just a good, solid hug. That's my style. Because I am biased, I think of this as a REAL hug.
And all of this brings me to my real point here. Being a firm hugger, it drives me bananas when I am confronted with an 'air' hugger. The hugs that give merely the impression or illusion that we are hugging. Perhaps our arms/torsos will lightly brush, and a light patting of the back will occur. I feel cheated when presented with one of these. If feel like it's the limp handshake of hugs. A hug should convey real happiness, or at least communicate that you are... you know... THERE. If you're going to go for it and hug someone, HUG them. Make it count.
So there it is. all of that for basically a huge whine about hugs. What kind of hugger are you?
*This is not an actual thing.
